


Confess the Sins of Others

by Chloe_Hallow_Eve



Series: Black Paladin Lance [17]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Post-Season/Series 02 (Voltron), Swearing, Working through your problems as a team, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 20:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10907280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloe_Hallow_Eve/pseuds/Chloe_Hallow_Eve
Summary: Many problems have arisen since the last time the team talked about their issues. It's about time they did it again.





	Confess the Sins of Others

Lance didn’t know how to start. He knew when and where, but the words wouldn’t form into a coherent stream of thought. He knew he should tell the others, it would help. He  _ knew  _ this, and yet, every time he tried to think of what happened, every time he tried to put descriptions to the actions-

 

_ “You have so much potential, blue paladin. And yet, you are the least useful.”  _

 

-he’d freeze up. 

 

Keith was to his right, one hand rubbing his back and the other holding his hand. Hunk was on his other side, hands folded, ready to jump in if Lance couldn’t continue. Lance didn’t like that he had to have someone to jump in. He didn’t like that he needed people to comfort him. He didn’t like that he went through things worth talking about. 

 

Pidge was curled up on the couch to their left. They hadn’t brought any electronics this time, something Lance thought not possible. Shiro was next to them, sitting with perfect posture and looking uncomfortable. He hadn’t been there for a lot. This was entirely new. Lance almost snorted at the irony; he created this kind of group therapy while the one who, arguably, needed it the most was gone. 

 

Allura and Coran sat across from Lance. They both had a calm and attentive atmosphere. Neither seemed sympathetic, or felt they needed to interfere. They were there as ears, allowing Lance to work through his problems on his own, only jumping in if Lance truly needed it. It was something Lance was endlessly grateful for. 

 

Keith bumped his leg into Lance’s, gaining the Latino’s attention.  “How about we go first? You don't have to jump right into the heavy stuff.”

 

Lance nodded. Keith shifted, glancing over the others. “So, any volunteers?”

 

There was silence. Lance allowed himself to snort. 

 

Allura, surprisingly, was the one to raise her hand. “If you would allow me, I’d be willing to go first.”

 

Keith motioned for her to continue. Allura smoothed out the skirt of her dress, clasping her hands on her lap once she finished. 

 

“I would like to begin by saying I care for all of you. In the time we have spent together, we have come to be a family, however small. But we are more than a family. We are a force who have accomplished more against the Empire within the last few months than the universe has in ten thousand years. I couldn't ask for a better group of paladins. I’m proud of all of us.” She looked down, hands squeezing. “Which is why it’s difficult when one of us is gone.” She took a breath, raising her gaze. “Because you are all important to me, I fear losing you. I lost my entire civilization, it’s not a far stretch that I could lose any of you permanently. It is unfortunate how well I can visualize it.”

 

Coran placed a hand over the princesses. She clasped his in both of hers. 

 

“When Shiro went missing, things were… tense. I had no one to share the responsibility of leadership with. I pushed myself too hard. When Lance went missing, I briefly felt the same thing, but Shiro was there to help just as Lance had been before. Then, that… video played. The helplessness was all consuming, and I drowned in it. I'd lost someone else. I… it was difficult to find a way to cope.” Allura took a few moments to breathe. Her knuckles were white from gripping Coran’s hand, which was looking a bit blue. Coran didn't react to it. Allura softened her grip. “With all that has happened, I'm hesitant to carry out a plan that hasn't been completely thought out. I feel I've become obsessive with how many backup plans I have visualized.” She smiled lightly when Hunk, Shiro and Lance chuckled. “I suppose what I am attempting to convey is that I am frightened of losing any of you.”

 

Shiro leaned forward to better see Allura. “I can't promise you we won't leave, one way or another, but I can tell you we will try. Backup plans, caution, picking our battles; we’ll do anything we can to make you more comfortable.”

 

There were nods all around. Allura reached a hand up and quickly brushed her thumb under her eyes. Her smile was wobbly. “I appreciate it. Thank you.” She looked around. “Who will go next?”

 

After a moment of silence, Hunk released a heavy breath. “Yeah, okay, let's do this,” he mumbled before addressing the room. “Can we first establish that we all have problems before I go?” Some of the tension in Hunk loosened when there was a murmured agreement. “Okay. So, I wasn't that close to Shiro when he disappeared, so I was more confused than anything. I was sad and a little angry that we lost a friend, of course, but we lost our direction. No head, no movement kind of thing. Then Lance was the leader, and things were okay, but then Lance was taken. We got Shiro back, but like, that doesn't really make it better.” Hunk turned to Lance, voice slowly rising in pitch and body and voice starting to quivver. “Lance, bud, you're my best friend. Hell, like, my platonic  _ soulmate _ . So I was real messed up when you left. I'm not fully recovered still. I was shaken up by not having my main support, because you’re the best with keeping me calm, but then we watched- Haggar- your heart-” Hunk cut himself off, dropping his head into his heads. 

 

Lance let go of Keith’s hand to curve over Hunk’s shoulder, awkwardly cradling him. “It's okay,” he whispered, “I’m okay. I'm here. It's over.”

 

Hunk leaned into him, shoulders shivering, taking shaky breaths. He dragged his hands down his face, wiping his eyes and sniffling. “I couldn't handle that. I still can't. I just… I kind of shut down. Didn't eat, slept too much, wouldn't come out of my room. I threw up anything I did eat. It's a miracle I even came out of my room when you came back.” He turned his face into Lance’s shoulder, hands grabbing at his hoodie. Gently, Lance shushed him. The others averted their eyes, feeling as though they were witnessing something private. “Don’t- Don’t leave again, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Lance hugged Hunk tighter. “Okay.”

 

Hunk stayed there for a few minutes. Lance pulled his sleeves over his hands and started wiping at his friends face gently. Hunk pulled away, taking the collar of his shirt and cleaning the rest of his face. His open mouthed breaths were deep and slow. 

 

“You gonna be okay bud?” Lance rubbed a hand over Hunk’s back. 

 

Hunk nodded. “Yeah. It's just been a long couple of weeks. I'll sit here. We can keep going.”

 

Lance looked up and around at the others. Pidge met his eyes and nodded. Lance smiled lightly at them. 

 

“Okay. We’ll take it over to Pidge.”

 

Hunk leaned back. He seemed calmer. He turned his gaze to Pidge, who tucked their legs under themselves and leaned against the armrest. They propped their head onto their palm, sighing through their nostrils. 

 

“My dad is missing, my brother is part of a rebellion across the galaxy from me and I only get to see him occasionally, my father figure went missing for a handful of time, my brother figure was captured and tortured to the point where his mind gave way to the pressure, I had to cut into that brother figures brain to insert a magically run micro chip that would help, and watched a video that was faked where his heart was ripped out.” Pidge paused to breathe, face staying carefully blank. “So, I'm mostly furious. Probably traumatized. My brain hasn't been processing anything properly for a while, almost dissociation but not quite, and I've been waiting for everything to hit me. But then the problems keep stacking, and I still don't process it properly or deal with it. When I do react, it'll probably be pretty ugly.”

 

“We’ll be there.” Shiro placed a hand on Pidge’s shoulder. “We’ll make it less ugly.”

 

Pidge rolled their eyes, but a smile tugged at their lips. “Yeah. I know. You’re all too sappy to leave me to my temper tantrum in peace.” There was a pause. “Also I've given up on pronouns. I'll just stick to they, them, their. It's the easiest.”

 

Hunk snorted. “Leave it to you to blast through your problems after my breakdown.”

 

Pidge shot him their ‘I’m a little shit and I’m proud of it’ grin. “Of course I do.”

 

Keith huffed a small laugh. “I can go next. To, like balance those extremities out.”

 

Lance’s eyebrows shot up. “You sure, babe?”

 

Keith flushed at the pet name, then tried to act as though it didn’t effect him. “I mean, why not? I have to go eventually.”

 

“Hold up.” Lance scooped up one of his hands, linking their fingers. “Okay, now you can go.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes, sharing a look with Pidge, before preparing himself. “So, we all know I'm bad with emotions. And social queues. And people in general.”

 

“Nonsense, you've been doing much better.” Allura assured. 

 

Keith raised a brow. “Only because I'm more comfortable asking you guys to make sure I don't cross any lines.”

 

“I mean, he’s not wrong.” Pidge pointed out when Shiro went to protest. 

 

Shiro closed his mouth. He seemed a bit upset that he couldn’t argue. Lance cackled. 

 

“Can I continue?” Keith sighed but smiled lightly. “As I was saying, I’m pretty bad with all that stuff. And I’m not sure if I really get what family is yet, but I’m sure I’ve got it here. And we’re all really close. And that’s good and all, but it’s kind of… terrifying.” Keith shrugged. “I’m really used to being alone, or only having one person close to me at a time, so all of this is new. The feelings I have are sort of new too. Especially for you, Lance.” Keith squeezed their linked hands. “I’m happy with you, but I don’t understand it fully. Plus, just the sheer amount that I feel for you is its own kind of scary. So sometimes I’m freaked out by how close I am to everyone here, and want to pull away. That’s why I have some weird days.” Keith glanced down at his and Lance’s hands, frowning. “I was… When you disappeared, I was okay enough. Everyone was okay. We took care of ourselves, because you'd be upset if you came back and we had gone and undone all the work you put in to make us okay. But when… when we thought you were dead…” Keith's shoulders shook. His body was tense, other hand clenched, still making an effort to not crush Lance’s hand. Lance rubbed his thumb over the red paladin’s knuckles. “We weren't- there wasn't-” He released a slow, hissed breath. “It was bad. It was really bad. And I'm not… I don't want to talk about it. Yet. I'm still sorting through that stuff myself.”

 

“You're doing really well, too. I'm proud of you.” Lance kissed Keith’s shoulder gently, smiling when he felt it relax slightly. Lance rested his head on it. “You're doing great now, too. Thanks for sharing.”

 

Keith blew out the tension in his body with his next breath, resting his head on Lance’s. “Having you here makes it easier.”

 

“Gross.” Pidge called. 

 

“Cute.” Hunk corrected. 

 

“Healthy.” Shiro stated, more for himself than the others. He smiled faintly. “I'm glad things are working out between you two.”

 

“We try.” Lance grinned. 

 

“Uh,” Keith’s face twisted, “actually, that's another thing. I think I've grown, like, crazy attached to Lance. In a not altogether healthy way. After everything that's happened, I'm really hesitant to leave him in a different room. Or have him fight, especially where I can't see him. It's kind of… obsessive. And I should probably work on it.”

 

“You can take your time.” Lance squeezed Keith’s hand. “Healing doesn't happen overnight.”

 

“Lance is correct.” Coran, who had taken a backseat, piped in. “It's a huge step to just recognize that it is a problem! From there, you can take small steps over time. The process might seem slow and frustrating, but the more you stick to it and see it through, the better off you'll be!”

 

Keith nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Coran.”

 

Speaking of processive healing. Lance glanced over at Hunk, frowning slightly.

 

“Bro,” Lance waved his free hand at him, “you're way over there.”

 

Hunk gave him a ‘seriously’ look. “Because you're cuddling your boyfriend.”

 

“But dude, I have like, two hands. Gimme.”

 

Hunk looked at Keith to help him argue. Keith smiled back at him, nodding his head in a ‘come on’ motion. Hunk took a deep breath, gave a long sigh, then scooted over so his leg was pressed to Lance’s. Lance immediately grabbed Hunk’s hand. 

 

Coran chuckled. “Keith, were you going to say more?”

 

Keith shook his head. 

 

“Then I will go!” Coran clapped, his smile hidden by his moustache, but the crinkle of his eyes hinting at his upturned lips. “I have quite the aversion to speaking of my own problems. Hopefully I won’t deflect this time around!”

 

“Amen.” Lance muttered. 

 

“I will begin by stating that I am much better at managing my issues in an orderly and healthy manner than you all. But that mostly comes with age and experience. There are a few problems that I have been avoiding, though. Even I am not perfect.”

 

“Your imperfections are perfect too!” Lance interrupted, flailing his legs since his arms were occupied. 

 

Coran laughed. “That they are, my boy.” He took a moment to think of his next words. “The loss of my planet and all I held dear… That is a huge scar that won’t be completely healed for a long time. But I’ve found ways to manage. One of those ways, I’ve found, is to take care of my new family. Not quite substitution, but knowing that I am helping and making a difference here when I couldn’t then makes it easier.” There was another pause. “I deeply regret forcing you all into this battle when most of you are hardly grown up. And I am proud of everyone for taking it in stride, and fighting a battle that isn’t truly yours. Though, the age gap between you and I makes me feel as if I am supposed to be your support, and that you are too young to be mine when I know that is false. It is an issue I must correct.” Coran tapped his fingers on his knee, the full weight of his age shown in how he seemed to droop. “Lance, I view you as a son or nephew. Your death, however faked it was found to be, took quite a tole on me. On all of us. I feel the best thing for myself at this moment would be to have the reassurance that, yes, you are alive and well. Though we should schedule a separate session for when we are alright working through those reactions.” There were nods. Coran folded his hands carefully, moustache twitching. “That is all I am comfortable mentioning. Now, if I am correct, we only have two paladins left to go.”

 

Gazes split between Shiro and Lance. Lance glanced over at Shiro, who avoided everyone's eyes. He was tense, jaw clenched and muscles straining under his clothes. There was no way Shiro would go of his free will right now. So, Lance took the initiative. 

 

“The video wasn’t faked.”

 

Lance internally sighed, closing his eyes. Of course he wouldn’t have any tact when it was needed the most. 

 

The tension in the room skyrocketed. Lance felt Keith pull his head off of Lance’s, probably to look at him. Both bodies next to him were rigid. 

 

“What?” Hunk’s voice squeaked. 

 

Lance, breaths forced into a steady rhythm, sat up and opened his eyes. He kept his head down. “The video call. It was live. Haggar didn't use her powers to fake it. She actually ripped my heart out.” His posture slowly caved. “Sorry for lying, but… I didn't think it would be best to tell you guys the truth. You were all… not stable.”

 

“When were you going to tell us?” Pidge sounded angry. 

 

“Why do you think I asked to have a group therapy thing?” Lance snapped, then sighed. “I… it's complicated. And you're all still recovering. And I don't want to burden you.”

 

“You won't be.” Keith nudged his shoulder, and Lance glanced over at him. Keith looked worried, and slightly irritated, but soft. “We all told you our problems. It's only fair to give us yours.”

 

Lance felt a smile tug at his lips. “It's pretty heavy stuff.”

 

“We’re in the middle of a war. Everything's heavy.”

 

Lance couldn't really argue with that. 

 

“Okay. Okay.” Lance glanced down at his shirt, mouth twisting. “Guess I should, like, show you guys.”

 

No one asked what he was talking about. Lance slipped his fingers out of Hunk’s lax hand, grasping the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his chest. Reactions were mostly quick breaths in or out. Keith raised a shaking hand and gently traced the outline of the purple shin. 

 

“That’s Lotor’s. He donated it after convincing Haggar to bring me back. Because I did die, for a while.” Keith took his hand back, and Lance dropped his shirt back into place. “She put a metal heart in me to replace the real thing. It’s apparently more efficient or whatever. But it's kind of…” Lance tucked his arm protectively over his heart. “I get phantom pains, sometimes. Where it still feels like her hand is in there. It's distracting, but manageable. Now that I have a mechanical heart regulating my blood and breathing and a chip in my head organizing my thoughts, I can't really have a proper panic attack. And emotions are diluted. Like, I can't experience a skipped beat anymore, or a heart squeeze, and I think the heart actually has something to do with emotions, because anything I feel isn't as intense as it used to be? I dunno.”

 

“Its theorized and proven that the heart releases certain cells that activate emotional response in the brain.” Pidge whispered, eyes blown wide. “Being less in tune with your body and internal workings creates a lesser emotional response.”

 

“Yeah, that.” Lance pretended it didn't bother him as much as it did. “So, I'm kind of emotionally lacking. Which was most of who I was. I used to be able to connect to entire civilizations because I could sympathize. It’s not that I can’t still do that, it’s just not on the same level it used to be. It’s like… who am I? ‘Cause I sure as hell am not the Lance everyone knew. I’m just… I’m really angry. I can’t have a proper panic attack or freak out unless my brain is broken, the PTSD I know I’ve developed doesn’t do as much damage as it should, and I can act like everything’s fine a lot more effectively.” Lance felt his face scrunch. “It’s bullshit,” he spat, “this is fucking bullshit.”

 

Lance gave himself a moment to calm down. Hunk slowly took his hand back, keeping it cupped between both of his. “PTSD?” He asked slowly. 

 

Lance’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah. Nightmares. Flashbacks. Triggers. The whole nine yards.” 

 

“About your time captured?” Allura prompted gently. 

 

“Mostly.” Lance agreed. “Sometimes about our battles. Or the possible negative turns our battles can take. It’s just bad.”

 

_ ‘We will use everything good about you and turn it into your weakness.’  _

 

“Also my severe self-esteem issues are at full force because Haggar kind of played on them. So, even when I was getting better, that progress has kind of plundered. And it’s hard to heal when her voice pops up and says I’m useless occasionally. So. I’m very fucked up. And kind of want cuddles now. Can we cuddle after Shiro decides if he wants to go or not? I need cuddles.”

 

Keith, still shaking slightly, gave him a small smile. “As long as I’m not trapped between you and Hunk again. That was awkward.” 

 

“You mean awesome.” Lance relaxed into the couch. “Because cuddles are awesome.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Lance glanced at Shiro. “So, leader, how about it? Wanna go today or hold off?”

 

Shiro looked up at his name. He pursed his lips, brows drawing together. “I…” He glanced down at his metal arm. “I want to wait until I have more information about myself before I share. There are still huge gaps in my memory of when I was the Galran’s prisoner. And some of my other problems have been getting better the longer I’m here. So, I’d like to wait, if everyone’s okay with that.”

 

“Shiro, we won’t force you to talk about anything you don’t want to.” Keith said, gently. “Take all the time you need, as long as you do come to us eventually.”

 

“Keith’s right,” Hunk grinned, “you haven’t been around to get comfortable saying these things. Go at your own pace, dude, there’s no rush.”

 

“Ditto.” Pidge elbowed Shiro. 

 

“Your fellow paladins have the correct idea.” Allura smiled. 

 

Coran offered a thumbs up. “Take your time!”

 

Shiro smiled. “Thanks, guys. I really mean it.”

 

“So,” Lance drawled, “does that mean we can push the couches together and cuddle now?”

 

* * *

Everyone had separated to change into their pj’s, grab some blankets and pillows (and another couch, in Coran and Shiro’s case), then met back in the common room. The couch Coran and Shiro had brought was triangular, and the others pushed the three couches around it. 

 

“This is really convenient.” Hunk narrowed his eyes at Coran. 

 

“Hardly!” Coran snorted. “Alteans were prepared for any situation. King Alfor was no different! He even foresaw any cuddling needs that might arise, and decorated this room accordingly.”

 

“That’s… quite the foresight.” Shiro stared at the new cuddling space, face vaguely concerned. 

 

“It was.” Coran agreed. 

 

Lance took a running start, vaulted over the backs of one of the couches in a split, then belly flopped onto the cushions. “These are ridiculously soft.” He groaned. 

 

Hunk climbed in after him, sitting against one of the couches and spreading his legs out. Pidge was next, slipping under Hunk’s arm and draping one of the blankets over them. Coran lent Allura a hand while Keith crawled over to Lance and flopped beside him. 

 

“Hey.” Keith whispered, hugging his pillow. 

 

“Hey, gorgeous.” Lance replied, turning so he could better see Keith. He placed one hand on his hip and the other supported his head. “You come here often?”

 

Keith rolled his eyes, grabbing Lance’s shirt and yanking. Keith scooted back until he was against one of the couch backs Lance allowed himself to be dragged along. Keith then pulled Lance flush against him, nuzzling his face against Lance’s neck. 

 

“I’m barfing rainbows,” Pidge deadpanned, “with how gay you two are being.”

 

“Hey Pidge, do you know what else is mostly gay? Us. We are mostly gay. So shush.” Lance flailed a hand in their direction, getting a snort out of them. 

 

Allura settled next to Pidge, laughing along with Pidge and Hunk when Coran scooped Lance and Keith’s heads, placed them on his outstretched legs, then started petting their faces. Lance cackled loudly while Keith flailed. Allura glanced over to Shiro, who stood by the couches, unsure how to proceed. She smiled softly when Shiro met her eyes, patting the spot next to her. There was a flash of hesitation, then Shiro climbed over a couple of the couch arms and plopped down next to her. 

 

Allura took Shiro’s hand, turning to watch the others converse. Shiro relaxed and did the same. 

 

Everything was good, for this moment. Everything was positive, for this moment. There were no expectations, or orders, or battles. Just him, his family, and the knowledge that they were pushing away their troubles until they were collectively ready to help each other through them. They needed to cuddle more, Shiro thought, if it was this relaxing. 

 

Shiro laughed at something Keith said in retaliation to Lance’s comment along with everyone else. This was okay. Everything was okay. 

  
He was okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> One hundred and sixty bookmarks. That's insane! I am blown away by the number of people who love this series as much as I love writing it. Thank you all so much for your amazing support, it keeps me going!
> 
> I'm aiming to finish this series before I graduate. So, within the next month or two, I will be wrapping up. This is just a heads up. I haven't set anything in stone yet, but I wanted to let you all know. 
> 
> Thank you all again for your comments, bookmarks, kudos, and even just reading my work! It means the world to me. I'll see you Wednesday. Stay awesome~!!!


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